Monday, March 28, 2011

Strange Bedfellows

Good Monday morning to you!  This one ought to get your eyes open on a Monday.  It's about a friend of mine who is truly one of a kind.

You've heard the saying, "Politics makes strange bedfellows."?  It means that politics will make people have unusual alliances in order to accomplish their purposes.  Having worked in politics for nine years, I'll tell you that can be very true.

This isn't about unusual political alliances, but it's a little strange all the same.  I know, people are thinking: You live on a farm with a bunch of animals.  You sell horse sh*t, which you think doesn't smell.  You love the smell of a barn.  You think animals have personalities.  And, that your body is simply a tool on the farm so why care what anyone thinks of your appearance.  Most people would think I'm weird.  Heck, my own mother refers to me as eccentric.

I don't know.  Maybe I am a little eccentric.  I'm pretty happy with it.  I run a business and pay my bills.  What's wrong with me?  What makes me eccentric?

If you want eccentric, I've got some eccentric friends!  Now, let me warn you here, this is not a G-rated post.  But, I couldn't resist telling you this priceless story.

I have a lot of friends and acquaintances.  It is possible I may have the most diverse group of friends and acquaintances of anyone I know.  That's ok.  Keeps my life interesting.  I've always said I have a wide continuum of normal.

I have friends from every possible religious and political group.  I have gay friends.  I have straight friends.  I have old friends and young friends.  Male friends and female friends.  Animal're getting the picture, right?

Besides, my friends probably think I'm weird.  I'm divorced, but I call myself single.  I don't have kids.  I like kids, but didn't want any of my own.  No maternal drive as it turns out.  I don't go to Little League games or soccer practice.  I'm not saving for college for anyone.

I don't care what the vast majority of people think of me.  I have no desire to marry again.  I talk to my animals.  I have a nice old car and a pick-up truck.  I have no desire for a new mini-van or a timeshare on a condo.  I'm very sure I am the odd woman out among my friends' friends.  I'm just ok being me.

But, among my interesting assortment of friends is my ex-boyfriend transitioned into really good friend, Harry. Yes, exes can be friends without benefits, believe it or not. I told you about Harry once.  It was in the blog entry "The People Around Us" back in February.

We dated for about a minute and a half after my divorce.  Read that entry to find out more. Obviously, we broke-up in the end.  We just weren't suited to each other.  You're about to find out one of those reasons.

Now, Harry, oh Harry is an interesting soul. Harry is my version of Hugh Hefner.  Harry is still legally married, but has a permanent separation agreement with his wife.  She lives with someone else, actually.  As if this wouldn't be enough to blow most people's minds, Harry also has two girlfriends.

The two girlfriends know about each other and rotate days.  Yes, they have assigned days they spend with Harry or not with Harry.  Right now there are only two girlfriends, sometimes he gets up to three or four of them at a time.  I don't do this rotational relationship thing, so we were exclusive for our brief romance.

Occasionally the girlfriends get on his nerves.  Then, he wants a new one or to simply get rid of them all and roam free. You never know with Harry.

Well, what makes Harry so special that all of these women want him?  It's his heart.  I'll tell you that right now.  His heart is what kept us really good friends after the relationship was obviously not going to work out.

Harry is not classically good looking.  No one will be calling him to model for GQ.  He's the size of an NFL linebacker.  He's balding.  He's over 50.  He's seen as arrogant by some.  He has the goods to back it up, so I just see him as excessively confident.

And, yes, he's wealthy.  But, that's not why women want him.  In fact, Harry likes a woman who can pay her own way sometimes.  He really doesn't like feeling like a sugar daddy.  That's pretty much a guarantee that he'll be trying to get rid of you as a girlfriend.

Harry simply has a beautiful heart.  He has nice green eyes.  He has a real sense of fun.  But, it's none of the external stuff that keeps him in women, in my opinion.  It's just that he has a really good heart.  This will explain the "strange bedfellows" stuff.

Harry also knows his fair share of characters.  He also doesn't have children, as amazing as that may seem.  Like me, he enjoys kids, but just never had any.  When you lack children, it makes it easier to know more characters.  Often, kids and characters don't mix.

Among the characters Harry knows is a former professional dominatrix.  Yes, really.  No, he wasn't one of her clients.  She actually worked for him prior to her career as a dominatrix.  Harry is in finance.  The only slapping around there is when people don't pay you, not when they do.

I've never met Agatha, but I saw her website when she was still working slapping people around for a living.  Turns out, beating people up to give them their jollies pays well, too.  People never cease to amaze me.

But, Agatha got tired of slapping people around for a living.  Then she got in the bookkeeping and tax preparation business.  See, you just never know about folks.

She was apparently very good at this and did very well financially.  That is until recently.  Harry called me the other day and said, "You're not going to believe this."  Oh man, when Harry says that, it's going to be a good story.

"Oh no.  What?" I said with a giggle.

"Remember my friend Agatha?"


"Guess where she's living now?"

"You mean she's not a state I shall not name, but it's not around here....anymore?"

"No, her business went belly up.  So, she moved in with me on Monday."

"What?!  Are you doing the deed?"

"No, she's too depressed for that.  She's in the guest room."

"Well, what do the girlfriends think of this?"  Lord knows, I couldn't handle it if Bart took in a depressed dominatrix.

"They don't like it, but they ain't left yet either.  They'll adjust."

Oh my!  Only Harry could pull this one off.  A married man with a permanent separation agreement, who has two rotating girlfriends, and now a live-in just friends depressed dominatrix.  I had to tell Bart.

I called Bart at work for this one.  He laughed out loud!  We agreed, only Harry could pull this off.  Every other man in the world would be in deep sh*t with some woman in his life for taking in a depressed dominatrix til she could get back on her feet.

I'm telling you, Harry has a good heart.  Only Harry wouldn't judge Agatha. Only Harry would take her in til she could get back on her feet.  Only Harry wouldn't try to get a free "ride" in the meantime.  Good ol' Harry.  What a guy.  What a guy.  What else can I possibly say?

He came by to drop off his beach house key to me later in the week.  Bart and I have got to get away for a few days soon.  We need a break.  See, good hearted Harry, loaning out the beach property to his ex-girlfriend/good friend and her "permanent man."  Nice.  

Harry told me Agatha had already found a job and bought a car.  Of course, I wanted to know if she was getting her pleather on again professionally.  No, she's managing an alarm sales company.  See, you just never know about people.  Nope, you never do.  Strange bedfellows indeed--actually I guess they are strange non-bedfellows.

Hope you got a good giggle out of this one.  I sure did.  And, so did Harry, Bart, and even my mother--who begged me not to blog about it.  Harry absolutely doesn't care if I blog about him.  I know because I've asked him.  So, onward with a good story to brighten your Monday.

Thanks for reading and have a good day!

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