Thursday, April 7, 2011

When a Narcoleptic Drives

Happy Thursday everyone.  I promised you yesterday I'd tell you about Bart's old college roommate, Robby, and his driving adventures.  Remember, among Robby's many problems is narcolepsy.  Narcolepsy makes people fall asleep suddenly.

Remember Robby lives four states away, but shows-up to visit Bart about once a year.  He's atrocious.  He's rude.  He's unkempt.  And, really, he shouldn't be driving.  If I could only think of a way for him to get caught.  But, wait, he did get caught once.  And, it didn't help.

In the winter of 2009, Robby was on his way home from a three week visit with Bart.  Bart was so happy he was leaving, he gave him gas money to get home.  Robby only arrives with enough money to get him one-way.  He never has money for his stay or to make the trip back home.

Despite the fact that Bart feels sorry for him, Bart is always glad for Robby to leave.  I remind Bart of this when he worries who will take care of Robby when he's old.  Well, Robby has already aged so poorly he's one broken hip away from a nursing home--which he can't afford.

Bart allows Robby to fantasize about coming to live with him one day.  It'll be just like old times.  Except, they aren't 19 year old guys in a college dorm any more.  And, I don't think Bart really wants to spend his retirement wiping Robby's rear end, considering he's already in diapers.

Bart thinks it will never happen.  Well, he also thought Robby wouldn't show up on his front steps like he did last Friday.  Bart better be careful.

Robby is circling and making his retirement plan--Bart taking care of him the rest of his life. He brought an air mattress with him this time. So he could stay in one of Bart's empty bedrooms. Bart down-sized that furniture for a reason. But, Robby had a solution--his air mattress. See, he's circling. But, I digress into one of my nightmares.

So, when Robby was making his pilgrimage four states home a little over a year ago, narcolepsy struck.  Robby fell asleep at the wheel.  Luckily, no one was hurt--not even Robby. Maybe that wasn't so lucky?

He fell asleep in an attack of narcolepsy.  His little truck went over a guard rail.  It went down an embankment.  Then he ran into a stand of trees.  When the truck finally hit a tree, Robby woke up. 

Scary, isn't it?  That's real narcolepsy for you. The truck was totaled, by-the-way. And, he slept through the whole accident.

He climbed back up the embankment and flagged down help.  The person drove him to the local sheriff's department. He reported the accident.

They didn't take his driver's license.  They didn't deposit him at a mental hospital.  No, they asked if they could take him to a motel.

He said he didn't have any money for a motel.  Surprise, surprise.  So, they took him to a homeless shelter.  He stayed there for two days until some other old friend from the past could come get him after a phone call out of the blue.

Then, that old friend from his past got stuck with Robby for a few more days.  Finally either the old friend took Robby back home or bought him a bus ticket.  I'm unclear on the details.

When he told Bart this story, Bart, of course relayed it to me.  Naturally, I asked if Robby was mortified about the accident and his stay in a homeless shelter.  Surely the man has learned something from this horrible experience?

No.  Robby was not mortified by the accident or the shelter.  Robby saw it as one more adventure.  He met some interesting people. He had a few free meals. It was fun.  Robby had a nice vacation.

Friends, Robby and I have different ideas of fun and vacation.  But, no, this did not stop Robby from driving.  It did not keep Robby at home. He did not learn a lesson.

He bought another car, and as you know, has hit the road again.  He's still at Bart's, but I hope he's leaving soon.  Maybe I should call the sheriff's department to look out for him on the road?  Or the homeless shelters along the way?

That's one more story of the people who cross my path at the farm.  And, you thought farm life was quiet and tranquil.  Not on my farm, unfortunately.  Gee, I need a vacation. 

Have a good day and thanks for reading!

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